Born-again Power
http://www.legacylibrary.com/articles/86/Born-again-Power.html
Abishai Gangulee
I’m an Asian-Indian male, born in 1978, the last of my grandfather’s family line. I went to an Ivy League college in New Hampshire, USA. I was born in Bihar, India. I speak Bengali and English fluently. I met the love of my life in 2001, a woman, and we were engaged. I discovered relativity as it applied to my mathematical-neuroscience field theory work at the age of 23. I decided to devote my life to Christ and perhaps to a for-profit self-employed business, such as a restaurant, as I have become an avid chef. I love the painter Seurat, the writer Edith Wharton, and the scientist Ernst Mach. I very much enjoy the writings and teachings of my grandfather’s neighbors. I also love music: cello, piano, drums, dancing. My partner and I love to dance. My favorite musicians include Lenny Kravitz, Bob Dylan, and Madonna. I also like the Indian musician Jagjit Singh. It was a thrill to formally leave applied mathematics at the age of 23. At the time, I felt the self-imposed peer-pressure of “great physicists discover everything by their late 20s.” It was this, and meeting my gal that opened up new chapters in my life and new options for work and recreation, such as gardening and family management. I live under the support of others but have acquired resources and plans to become a guardian (if not of children). My family is distinguished in politics, science, literature, education, civil service, and the arts. I think of myself as Errol Flynn, a sort of “Harry Kennedy.” In India, my family is considered classy and stylish. The secret to gardening is maintaining consistent conditions for any type of plant. Consistency also means achieving balance between watering temperature and room temperature. Always try luke-warm water as a default plan and water the thing as if you were angry with it, but do it gently. As a young man I loved the composer Chopin but now prefer the more famous work of Beethoven. Here is a tip for tourists: when visiting India, drink coconut water, take your iPod, and refrain from feeling charitable. By Abishai Gangulee
Published on 07/9/2007
When you sin, you get everything you like.
When you repent, you get that guilty feeling.
When you repent, you get that guilty feeling.
Born-again Power
I was a sinner. I made strange lies to people I hardly knew and to people I knew very well.
I’m a pathological liar by nature anyway, and I have always been. This time, though, my lies were not really humorous to anyone.
However, as I lied, I felt a great deal of power. I owned a house on the beach where I treated my housemates like strangers. I went where I pleased, and as I reflect today, I keep thinking of that Rolling Stones/Mick Jagger song, “God gave me everything I want, but I can’t stop...”
I had a hard time meeting some of my parents’ normal demands (medical career). I loved science but not applied science or medicine. Later I discovered I was really just a mathematician.
Nevertheless, I found my way into various brain science laboratories and hospitals, working normally, even diligently. I was also exploring my newfound talents in breakdancing, particularly uprocking. I never practiced homosexuality but was never scared of dangerous people.
My insecurities were gone, and I could move very very fast, without drugs. I imagined being very pure and living in that movie “American Psycho.” I had some insecurities regarding sex, and these insecurities were greatly diminished as well. I fantasized in L.A. nightclubs that the devil gave me this God-laundered power.
If you have as many confidence problems as I have, you will know what I mean in terms of the RELIEF associated with the loss of insecurities that are otherwise devastating to normal, upstanding citizens.
When I repented, or stopped making those egregiously strange lies, I felt like I was evil, not myself, mentally unstable, poor, and weak. I could not even repent reliably day-to-day. My family even suffered at times, as I had difficulties with school and work. Christ teaches us that there are secrets no one understands but the keeper of the secrets. He even goes so far as to say that God grants each man this autonomy FROM God Himself. This sounds strange.
Why should I accept my difficulties? The apostle Paul fulfilled his mission and duties. Why can’t I? Maybe I am not chosen for heavenly life. Maybe I misunderstand the depth of Paul’s trials. There are times I feel/felt that repenting endangered my life, though some of these times were self-created in my delusional, healing mind.
So is there a God? It is tempting for me to say, NO and declare my own supreme conscience and guilty feeling. Honestly, I would like there to be a God so I can ask Him for help. Even if He does not answer, it is soothing to ask and defer that authority.
If you were a sinner, you will have special insights on how to reach other sinners or how to fight the devil. However, you will also feel handicapped since you sinned. The best way I like to think about this conflict between temptations by God and temptations by the devil is that they are both equally stunning. However, for me, personally, those temptations I have labeled as being “from the devil,” make me produce those strange lies or limit my willingness to ask for help.
I do believe there is a God, since I am too stupid to come up with some of these conclusions.
I’m a pathological liar by nature anyway, and I have always been. This time, though, my lies were not really humorous to anyone.
However, as I lied, I felt a great deal of power. I owned a house on the beach where I treated my housemates like strangers. I went where I pleased, and as I reflect today, I keep thinking of that Rolling Stones/Mick Jagger song, “God gave me everything I want, but I can’t stop...”
I had a hard time meeting some of my parents’ normal demands (medical career). I loved science but not applied science or medicine. Later I discovered I was really just a mathematician.
Nevertheless, I found my way into various brain science laboratories and hospitals, working normally, even diligently. I was also exploring my newfound talents in breakdancing, particularly uprocking. I never practiced homosexuality but was never scared of dangerous people.
My insecurities were gone, and I could move very very fast, without drugs. I imagined being very pure and living in that movie “American Psycho.” I had some insecurities regarding sex, and these insecurities were greatly diminished as well. I fantasized in L.A. nightclubs that the devil gave me this God-laundered power.
If you have as many confidence problems as I have, you will know what I mean in terms of the RELIEF associated with the loss of insecurities that are otherwise devastating to normal, upstanding citizens.
When I repented, or stopped making those egregiously strange lies, I felt like I was evil, not myself, mentally unstable, poor, and weak. I could not even repent reliably day-to-day. My family even suffered at times, as I had difficulties with school and work. Christ teaches us that there are secrets no one understands but the keeper of the secrets. He even goes so far as to say that God grants each man this autonomy FROM God Himself. This sounds strange.
Why should I accept my difficulties? The apostle Paul fulfilled his mission and duties. Why can’t I? Maybe I am not chosen for heavenly life. Maybe I misunderstand the depth of Paul’s trials. There are times I feel/felt that repenting endangered my life, though some of these times were self-created in my delusional, healing mind.
So is there a God? It is tempting for me to say, NO and declare my own supreme conscience and guilty feeling. Honestly, I would like there to be a God so I can ask Him for help. Even if He does not answer, it is soothing to ask and defer that authority.
If you were a sinner, you will have special insights on how to reach other sinners or how to fight the devil. However, you will also feel handicapped since you sinned. The best way I like to think about this conflict between temptations by God and temptations by the devil is that they are both equally stunning. However, for me, personally, those temptations I have labeled as being “from the devil,” make me produce those strange lies or limit my willingness to ask for help.
I do believe there is a God, since I am too stupid to come up with some of these conclusions.