belinda perez

This is my story of good gone bad.I lost my leg due to a bad operation but accepted it as life has to go on.But what came with it I never dreamed could be.I left a life of drugs & achohol after my kids were born and began a new life,a hard life.I became the person I use to be even without my leg.But because of a scam and money I lost my house.Because i was left alone due to my sons father death and my ex-husband going to prison for life,my life was taken away.Because of a scam as so I lost my pets due to 3 deaths of three of them without medication,and a few bad operations.My son lost his schooling due to having to move,even we were not on the evection,I fell without my leg,and once again another operation.I'm trying to heal my heart & mind but things just won't somehow begin so I write my story to ease the pain.All through my life I have had my heart broken the first time with my father molesting me as a child then finally raping me at the age of 17.I left everyone I loved and move to chicago for 20 yrs,The first 10 yrs. of the move I drank and cried my eyes out to whoever whold listen in bars or wherever.The move was good because I was off drugs for the first 16 yrs of my life in Chicago.But as they always say never say never.As time went on I drank then I became a mom,to a beautiful daughter who I would lose to money once again and drinking.My husband the first and father of my daughter made me lose here just after getting her back after being gone for a month and a half of her life.She was one month when cpsf took her and 3 months when they took her again because of food stamps and money that i had just gotten.The police were called but because I was white in a all black area he called me a discrace and of course I mouthed off which was something I should of never done.Well they took her even though the people in the house lied and said I threw her in which I would of never done.When the phone call came and they said for me to pick her up,I never got the call and CPSF once again came into the picture and she was taken what was going to be for the rest of her life little did I know.Well for 4 yrs I fought to get her back and in the end lost due to drinking,a bad husband and no family ther to help me.My mom long ago gave up on me the day I was raped and felt I wasn't good enough because my father loved me as a girlfriend not a daughter and later on I would realize why did I hate myself for so long when it wasnt my fault.Well in the meantime life went on and my daugher was adopted and I had a son in which I now stopped drinking.But this was to be a good part of my life with happiness and sadness.In my 6th month of being pregnant,I walked in on my sons father shooting drugs and I just stood there dtunned as being away from drugs even when I was homeless every now and then I never used again once off so i didn't see the signs.I left went to a bar but didn't drink knowing I was carrying a baby and what could happen to him.I then went home and talked to his father who wasn't my husband and he said he would leave it alone but a junkie for many yrs and at 50 yrs. at that time I should of known it was a lie.I stayed and after my son was born I used a toothace to know the feeling once again.I never lost my son due to drugs as we were in a home and life wasn't all that bad I tried to stop leaving and staying on a drunk for many days coming home just to have it in my face once again.So in the end I was once again a dope-fiend I will use no pretty words for this because ir is what it is.My life was OK as long as I worked but then I had no decent person to watch my son with the kind of people I knew so I just stayed home with my son.Now things were starting to get bad and my sister called and said she was dying.I left Chicago after 20 yrs for the last time of 4 times and I never returned as I lost my son to CPS now.The story for that one wasn't my fault in the beginning or really never now I think back to it,Well w are in California now and this has to be the worst thing I could of done because as i asked my sister why she lied she said she wanted her sister back.That's great I thought and sent for my sons father.After he got here it was one thing after another of homelessness until the welcfare helped us get a small studio in Oakland,Ca.,and we were happy for a month until the new landlord gave us an  evection notice due to being predijuce and all and right after I paid the rent she handed me a evection notice.Wow I though this is just great.I have a son who has asthma,no family to help me get my things and so on.Now the day of the evection I had only the cloths we had on and went to get a hotel room for the night with a voucher,and told my sons father get what you can out of the apartment.When I got back all he had was a asthma machine and the medication.The food I just bought was in the house and we had no money.So now for months we stayed outside I did not know Oakland as I was raised in Hayward,Ca. and I didn't know the in's and out's of California just getting back.Now my sons father was into drugs bad and I was straight though as I was scared to death having my son so young at 2 yrs old with me outside.I ended up staying where we could getting food anyway I could and in the end losing him to CPS due to a warrent that wasn't mine in fact 4 of them.At 2:00 a.m. in the morning I was walking with my son to find shelter somewhere and the police pulled me over asked me my name i had no ID as it was stolden and I gave the Thompson my married name at the time.Well they said in 19941 I had 4 tickets that were not taken care of and I said in 1991 I was in Chicago having my son.Well that did me no good as I was Powell to them and they took me and my son to the police department.I stayed there for 2 wks not knowing where my son was.No one came to the jail to say it wasn't me and I lost my son for 2 yrs.Here I go again only this time I am older and I have a bond with him as I raised him.I knew to do what they said to get him back.They took him to my moms door but she once again refused to take my child as she didn't care for me because of my father.But why a child 2 yrs old would you refuse to accept for 2 wks til I got out and she knew I was going back to get my daughter from Chicago after finding out it was a faulty adoption and not legal.Well now 2 kids have been taken and I need to grow up.So I did what I had to and let my daughter go to a good life and stay and get my baby whpoo cried for me everyday saying (mommy please come and get me I'll be good I promise please mommy i'm sorry)That is what kept me here,because the love I had and the tears wouldn't let me leave.I fought for 2 yrs and did everything they said not until I got him back would I be me again.